Madhuri Dixit UNPLUGGED!

An old encounter with the beautiful actress, talking about life and career

Totally nonchalant about the obscenity suit filed against her for the double-entendre song number choli ke peechhey kya hai in Khalnayak, that’s Madhuri Dixit for you. Keeps you waiting on the sets of Rajshri Films latest commercial bonanza, Hum Aapke Hai Kaun for nearly six hours but wipes your would-be frown away with that charismatic smile of hers, which she uses all too often, almost to a fault. Regal, beautiful Madhuri with a gliding walk despite never having glided on a ramp or on the catwalk ever in her life. Some say she resembles Madhubala a lot. Some say no, she reminds the Bengali of the young Suchitra Sen. She is neither. Because she is herself.

Madhuri Dixit, first person
I was born and brought up in JB Nagar, a place in Mumbai's western suburb, Andheri, the youngest of one brother and three sisters. I went to the nearby Divine Child High School from where I did my SSC and then on to Parle College to do my Higher Secondary in Science. All my siblings are now in the USA, married and settled there.

The Beginning
My elder sister's friend knew the Barjatiyas well. She also knew that they were scouting around for a very young girl, a fresh face, for their forthcoming production, Abodh. One day, another friend of the Barjatiyas saw me with my sister and this friend of hers. He knew me when I was little but was surprised to see that I had grown up and looked different. They suggested I try for the role. The Barjatiyas are a respected family in the film industry who has always presented wholesome family entertainment. Off I went for the screen test. I cleared it but the catch was that my Higher Secondary Board exams were round the corner and I was determined not to miss them for anything in my life. The Barjatiyas waited for me to finish the exams and my vacations began with the shooting of Abodh. My results arrived while I was on the sets, in June. I remember being very nervous, very shaky about the results. But I scored more than 80%. I was always a good student. Shooting over, I went back to college to do B.Sc. with microbiology. But Abodh was released by then and the offers began to pour in.

This and That…
I did a lot of classical dancing from my school days and was good at it they say. But it never occurred to me to make a career out of dancing. Before films, I had no clear idea of what I wanted to do with my life. At one time, I toyed with the idea of doing hotel management. But that did not quite seem to have a future at the time. I switched over to the idea of becoming a research scientist. I thought genetics would be the right field to concentrate my research on. It seemed to offer bright prospects. I was right. Today, genetics is an on-going and open field. It was something I was not destined to do. I underwent several phases of mutation till Life decided the future course of action. Never ever in my life did I even dream of becoming a star, an actress. Even when I was well into this profession, I did not expect this kind of fame and popularity. But once I was inside the field, I deliberately and consciously worked towards this goal. I was not handed down to me on a golden platter, no. I am really glad I had to work hard, very hard for it because working towards success and attaining it after the hard work has made me respect my profession all the more.

The Climb
I don't understand the difference between being a star and being an actress. If you are a good actress, you can also be a star but it does not work the other way round. You must be able to deliver the goods. Gone are the days of parallel cinema when actresses like Shabana Azmi and Smita Patil proved to the world that a good actress need not necessarily be a good star. Where is the parallel cinema today? These debates arise mainly because with stardom, there is this tendency to get carried away by one's own glamour, one's fame, and one’s success. The star then begins to play to the gallery, to manipulate the audience. It might work for some time but in the long run, it can be dangerous and self-destructive.

High Points
My biggest high comes when I discover that how I come across on screen tallies exactly with how I had mentally visualized it. If there is a gap between my visualization and how I actually come across, I feel frustrated with myself. This has made me my own worst critic. Being your own critic helps you to keep growing. Failing this, you might find yourself getting stagnant within the mainstream.

The Peak
My best is yet to come. Today, I have reached a stage where I do not have to do too many films. There was a time when I did two to three shifts a day. Now I am in a position where I can pick and choose if I wish to. Two dream roles I would love to do are the role of a court dancer like the one Meena Kumari played in Pakeeza that would take me back to my kathak days and the role of a schizophrenic, a woman with a dual personality, along the lines of the one Nargis did in Raat Aur Din. I am looking for a complex character with different shades to it, a character filled with self-doubts. One thing I am certain about is that I will never do an out-and-out negative role. I do not think I will be convincing enough in a negative role.

Objectivity and all that
One of the most important things I keep in mind is retaining my objectivity, not only in front of the camera but also in every sphere of life. My background in science has imposed a lot of discipline in me. This discipline helps me in sustaining objectivity. It is important not to fall in love with the image one has created for the world out there. The real person and the image that that real person has created are two very different things and no actor should lose track of this essential dichotomy. Objectivity is like the third eye that keeps watching you all the time, correcting you when you falter, holding you when you might fall.

The Future
I have decided that I will remain as normal as I was before I became Madhuri Dixit, the star. It does not matter whether I am at the top or at the bottom. I will not allow myself to create walls of loneliness around myself. Had I not been an actress, I would probably have been peering through a microscope at some invisible organism, zooming into their lives, trying to unravel their secrets. I do realise the need for marriage and motherhood because these are essentials in a person's life. But within marriage too I will create my own space of work instead of juggling time between home and work. I may not do what I am doing now or will keep doing what I am doing but the bottom line is – I will continue to work. I do not have any regrets for being in films and will allow my kids to come into the profession if they wish to.

Shoma A Chatterji